I graduated once

Since it is the season of graduations and I am fortunate to have just participated in one, I thought I would give a little personal post about some of my earlier formal graduations.  I am sure there are other graduations I probably participated in, but I do not have photos of them, at least that I am aware.  Like graduation from diapers,  which consists of a diaper on the head with a tassel.  Or graduation from elementary school, which would consist of a wedgie (and a tassel!).

Here are my Kindergarten Graduation Pictures.  The Graduation ‘ceremony’ was held in the West Minico Junior High Auditorium in Paul, Idaho.  I can still remember the day, both sets of Grandparents being present, and some of the program.  It was quintessentially the same program that Andra, my sister, would go through two years later and I remember that occasion for her.  I am assuming I graduated Kindergarten in the spring of 1984.

Now we can forward more than a decade to graduation from high school.  I graduated from Minico High School in Rupert, Idaho in the spring of 1997.  I swear there are photos out there of the occasion, I have seen them.  It does not seem my family has any at the actual ceremony, and whatever my Grandmother had is with her stash, wherever that might be since she passed away.  That could be the dump, but I guess it is in a drawer somewhere in Alaska.  Maybe some day…  This is a photo in my Grandmother’s home in Paul, Idaho.  This photo was taken on my Grandma’s birthday and probably taken by her.  I am still pretty thin, excited about life, and wearing that new class bling, I mean ring (that was rudely stolen by a home invader in 2009).

Forwarding a few more years, here is a picture of graduation from Utah State University in Logan, Utah on 17 December 2005 with a BS in Law & Constitutional Studies.  By this point I am days away from marriage to Miss Amanda Hemsley so she joined me in the photo, along with future in-laws (my Dad and Jan are in the photo too, to my left).  I even got some fancy cords again!  Two more of my grandparents had passed away by this time and the last one was unwilling to attend.

Now the latest event in my graduation history.  Graduation on 15 May 2011 from Oklahoma City University in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma with a Juris Doctor.  Not only is my Dad and in-laws in the picture, my family has been joined by the newest addition of Aliza.  I doubt there are further formal graduations in life, besides death, awaiting in the future.  But at least we have some of these graduations in photograph.

I am such a ham!

Look at the cool hood.

Charles and Christina Nuffer

Back row: Bertha, Anna, Clara, Louise. Seated row: Charles, Charles, Christina. Lap children: Preston, Laura. Front: Ida, Joseph.

Back row: Bertha, Anna, Clara, Louise. Seated row: Charles, Charles, Christina. Lap children: Preston, Laura. Front: Ida, Joseph.

Christina Wanner, the mother in this picture from 1910, is the sister to my Johann Georg (John George) Wanner Jr.  I previously posted a family portrait for Christina’s sister, Maria Magdalena Wanner Wagstaff.  At some point, I will write my Great Great Grandfather, John, but until then, I will keep writing on some of the peripheral lines.

Charles August Nuffer, the father in the photo, is the brother to my Regina Friederike Nuffer.  A brother a sister with the last name of Nuffer married a sister and brother with the last name of Wanner.  Two other Wanner sisters married another set of brothers with the last name of Bodrero.  Anyhow, the children in the above photo are all double cousins to me.  Can you smell the consanguinity in the Wanner family?

Charles August Nuffer was born 18 June 1871 in Neuffen, Esslingen, Baden-Württemberg to John Christoph Nuffer and Eva Katharina Greiner.  His parents joined the LDS church on 12 April 1880 after following the example of their daughter, Regina who was baptized in January 1880.  Charles actually joined 26 January 1894 in Mapleton, Franklin, Idaho (then Oneida County).  He passed away 17 July 1952 in Preston, Franklin, Idaho and buried beside his wife 4 days later in the Preston Cemetery.  If you are interested, here is his autobiography.

Christina Wanner was born 30 March 1872 in Holzgerlingen, Böblingen, Baden-Württemberg to Johann Georg Wanner Sr and Anna Maria Schmid.  Her whole family joined the LDS church in 1891 (she 16 October 1891) and immigrated to the US in 1892 settling in Logan, Cache, Utah.  She died 10 August 1940 in Preston and was buried 4 days later.  Her daughter Louise, wrote a biography about her.

Charles and Christina were married 1 February 1894 in the Logan LDS Temple by Marriner Wood Merrill.  Note, this is 5 days after his baptism!  To this marriage was born 9 children.  The first 7 were born in Mapleton and the rest were in Preston.

Clara Katherine Nuffer born 10 August 1895, died 18 August 1984.  Married John Leroy Hansen 30 October 1918.

Louise Mary Nuffer born 19 November 1896, died 16 October 1980.  Married LeRoy McDonald Roberts 17 November 1944.

Anna Christina Nuffer born 8 January 1899, died 25 January 1928.  Married Elmer Willis Cummings 23 April 1919.

Bertha Wilamena Nuffer born 9 June 1900, died 9 November 1990.  Married Alfred Dean Winn 9 February 1921.

Charles Fredrick Nuffer born 21 October 1901, died 30 June 1970.  Married Ruth Gamble 4 October 1922.

Joseph Adolph Nuffer born 18 May 1904, died 27 June 1985.  Married Greta Susan Alder 20 July 1927.

Ida Eva Nuffer born 15 June 1906, died 1 December 2000.  Married Gilbert Warren Stater Cafferty 24 February 1926.

Preston Albert Nuffer born 13 June 1908, died 20 July 1995.  Married Ella May Day 24 June 1936.

Laura Elvina Nuffer born 15 February 1910, died 21 December 1994.  Married Hilden Jack Alvord 12 April 1929.

I am happy to correct or add information to this family if you have information.

William and Maria Wagstaff

Back row: Willard, William, Annie, Parley, Maria, Jesse. Front row: Elsie, Edna, Herbert.

Since this is another peripheral line, I will not get to write much on this family.  But this photo I thought deserved to be shared with others.

Maria Magdalena Wanner, the mother of this family in the photo, is the sister to my Johann Georg (John George) Wanner Jr.

William Addison Wagstaff was born 7 November 1860 in Kirstead, Pinxton, Derbyshire, England.  He passed away 31 May 1931 in Ogden, Weber, Utah.

Maria Magdalena Wanner was born 12 Sepember 1873 in Grünkraut, Tübingen, Württemberg to Johann Georg Wanner and Anna Maria Schmid.  Her whole family joined the LDS church in 1891 and immigrated to the US in 1892 settling in Logan, Cache, Utah.  She passed away 23 October 1952 in Ogden.

William and Maria were married 17 June 1896 in the Logan LDS Temple.  To this marriage were born 11 children.  All of which were born in Glendale, Franklin (then Oneida County), Idaho.

George William Wagstaff born 26 January 1897, died 4 February 1897.

James Addison Wagstaff born 24 June 1898, died 14 March 1913.

Annie Eliza Wagstaff born 27 December 1899, died 20 December 1940.  I do not think she married.

Wilford John Wagstaff born 28 August 1901, died 23 June 1903.

Parley Leroy Wagstaff born 9 April 1903, died 18 Jan 1996.  Married Eliza Dorothea Blanch 14 March 1929.

Willard Lesley Wagstaff born 3 March 1905, died 21 January 1973.  Married Mary Isabell Gibson 19 October 1927.

Jesse Olsen Wagstaff born 9 January 1907, died 27 October 1991.  Married Berta Edna Gibby 28 October 1936.

Herbert Spencer Wagstaff born 11 November 1908, died 19 March 1962.  I do not believe he married.

Edna Leona Wagstaff born 10 July 1910, died 11 January 1997 in Kaysville, Davis, Utah.  Married Horace Raymond Owen 10 March 1933.

Elsie Magdalena Wagstaff born 7 August 1912, died 4 December 1990.  Married William C Coleman 17 January 1974.  I do not know if she had a marriage before that.

Albert Wanner Wagstaff born 8 July1915, died 19 August 1970.  Married Marvel Irene Higley 2 October 1948.

The entire family moved to West Weber, Weber, Utah after the last child and before 1920 and remained there the rest of their lives.  Most of these children died in or near the Ogden area.  One or two returned to the Preston, Franklin, Idaho area, probably due to relationships from before the move.

The individuals in the photograph above are as follows from left to right, front row consists of the three children in front.  The photo above was taken about 1914 after James had died, but before Albert was born.  Aren’t they a cute little family?

If you have more information to add to this family, I would be happy to correct or add to it.

Slumbers Not

I stumbled upon this photograph again tonight and thought I would share it.  This picture was taken by an old roommate of mine at Utah State, I do not remember for sure which one, I think Mark Morris.

The contrasts of the photo are pretty dramatic.  This is taken from Darwin Avenue in Logan, Utah.  You can see the Wellsville Mountains on the west side of Cache Valley.  You can see the lighted Logan LDS Temple with its greenish spires and lighted facade.  Some other silhouettes are discernible and will be recognized by most people who have lived in Logan, particularly the LDS Tabernacle Spire and the red Wells Fargo sign.  This photo was taken 12 November 2003.  You have to click on it and zoom in to get the full effect.

Whenever I see the picture and the amazing sunset, I am reminded of Felix Mendelssohn’s oratorio named Elijah.  The song particularly that comes to mind is “He watching over Israel, slumbers not” (from Psalm 121:4).

I know God is watching over Israel and not slumbering.  In the end, all things will come out right.  He is in charge, this is His world and His plan.

“When I shall have gathered the house of Israel from the people among whom they are scattered, and shall be sanctified in them in the sight of the heathen, then shall they dwell in their land.  [T]hey shall dwell safely therein, and shall build houses, and plant vineyards…they shall build with confidence, when I have executed judgments upon all those that despite them round about them; and they shall know that I am the Lord their God.”  Ezekiel 28:25-6.

“Let your hearts be comforted concerning Zion; for all flesh is in mine hands; be still and know that I am God.”  D&C 101:16.

MTC anniversary

The 28th was the 10 year anniversary of when I was supposed to enter the MTC.  Time has certainly flown!  Who would ever have thought then I would be in law school 10 years later.  I wonder how many people even thought I would attend law school.  Who knows what they thought I was going to end up doing.  I was glad to be able to go on a mission.  The first eggnog of the season found its way into our refrigerator.  Boy does it bring back memories of may Christmas’ from long ago.  I know, we haven’t even hit Thanksgiving yet.  I guess the eggnog is just early.  I had a happy tummy for a day or two, regardless of the season.

One of my school buddies is looking at the home next door.  Wouldn’t that be great to have neighbors who I went to school with?  We could work on our homes together, we could have parties.  I could ride to school with Andrew and Amanda could sleep in for another hour.  She would be happy about that.  We will have to wait and see.  Since they probably cannot get into the home by themselves, we are taking about signing with them.  The great thing is the house is owned by a trust.  Both of the parents have died and the family really just wants to sell it, even for about 2/3rds of its value.  So we worked it out that in signing with them, they would share a portion of what they make on the house when they sell it in a couple of years.  All the more incentive for me to help when they are fixing it up!

Last night was the last of my classes.  I did not mind it was on Halloween.  I never cared much for the holiday.  Besides, what better way to remember the dead on Halloween than teaching a class on family history and new FamilySearch?  There was wonderful attendance all 4 classes.  I am relieved it is completed.  On that note, the temple work continues forward at a wonderful pace.  I received over 75 completed cards in the mail this week.

It has been a quick, but dragging week.  I have felt somewhat oppressed in soul.  Nothing I can attribute it to other than just weariness and exhaustion.  A good number nights of sleep have helped me recover.  However, I fear I will not completely recover from Contracts.  I really like Torts and Civil Procedure.  I could do with more understanding in Contracts and perhaps I would enjoy it more.  I started outlining it today.  We got about 1.5 chapters completed.  I got a headache by that point so we called it for the day.  I am not sure if it was Contracts or the salty pretzels.

We watched The Kite Runner last night.  I really enjoy shows like that where I get to see some insight into other cultures.  I enjoyed it.  The insight into Afghanistan and Pakistan were very interesting.  I would really like to learn that language and travel those nations.  A whole world to learn.

I finished Deuteronomy this week.  I enjoyed it.  The end reminds me much of a General Conference talk.

Here are a couple more of updates on stories about the family.  Here are some more stories I received about the family from two individuals.  Most of them are about my Grandparents, but I also included the one about an experience with the church.  I am so completely disappointed in those who did this.  This is not at all what the church teaches.

“[Colleen] loved dancing.  She taught me how to be a better follower.  [My husband] put an extra step in his 2 step, I would stumble every time.  When I watched her and [my husband] dance, it was always smooth.  She taught me how to relax and follow his lead.  I am sure that she had much pride watching you grow into a man.  Dancing with all the “old ladies.”  Can you imagine how special and young they felt to be dancing with you.  That is a very special thing you gave to them.”

“Once we moved to [a small town in Idaho], [my son] was old enough and began his religious education at our small mission church in town.  I was very involved with “taking care of my church.”  It was during this time that I met and interacted with “practicing” mormons.  People were not afraid to tell me that I was wrong.  Of course, everyone knew [my husband] was LDS.  The church rolls tracked every one and missionaries, relief society, and elders would stop by before I could finish unpacking.  I had some disagreeable things said to me.  Especially about how awful I was to cheat my son of a greater life.  I felt I was treated meanly by many.  At cub scout functions, no one wanted to sit near us.  Sometimes, we were even told the wrong times for things so we would be very late.  Every one would stop and stare, whisper.  I felt so bad.

“Our ward president’s wife had no difficulty telling me I was an awful mother, but that “scouting” could be for everyone.  Blah, blah, blah…  In order to survive I asked for permission to attend Seminary.  Which I attended at Soda Springs High School.  I had my mother find me out of print books in San Francisco.  I began to read everything I could.  Pro and Con.  I was asked to not return to seminary, it was because I asked too many questions.  I was disruptive to the education of the young people I was told. My father’s youngest sister converted to Mormonism.  She lives in Clearfield, I think.  I don’t have much contact due to the way she treats my father.  She and I had a relationship back then.  She is still very active in the church and assisted in my education.  She wanted me to convert.”

“Colleen had said something about being disappointed in the “church” in Preston.  That Grandma and Grandpa Andra had given land to the “church.”  That the trade-off (my word) was that they would be “taken care of” by the church.  Some one else will have to fill in these blanks.  Something to do with the church wanting the rest of their property.  She spoke harshly at this time and used the term “church” in general.  Not a specific Ward.  Sandy was very upset about the Temple marriage to Evan because she did not like him and the “celestial kingdom.”  Her family would never be together again.  She would yell at Grandma about this, they both yelled.  I really do not remember anyone in the family attending church at all.  [My husband] always welcomed the missionaries, he would have conversations at length.

It was not really a topic of discussion between Colleen and I.  She never openly criticized me or anyone regarding religion.  She did express regrets about her children and Norwood. I don’t remember her expressing regrets about herself.  I felt sometimes that lack of religion in the household was used as an excuse for the way things were.  An excuse for the choices made.  It seemed to always be in a negative reference.  I did find it interesting the times that the “church’ was brought up.  When a person did not want to assume responsibility for a choice made.  It was blamed on the “church.”

“I know that Norwood was always pretty mean to Colleen.  He scared me a lot, but I was pretty little.  I did hear my parents talking about how he did hurt your grandmother and they were not impressed.  I will talk to [my sister] and ask if she remembered more than me.  He was awful when he had been drinking, I did see that myself when we stayed at Colleen’s for a week.”

“[Doug and Linda's wedding reception] took place in the basement of the library in Richmond.  [Colleen] had made all the arraignments.  She did the decorations.  I remember the spiral staircase with the gifts displayed.  It was very nice.  I had met most of the family that was there at Norwood’s funeral.  [Doug] wore the Tux that his folks had bought him in High School.  I remember how handsome he looked.  We stayed at Sandy’s.  I think she was living on Main St in Logan. I just don’t remember the fine details.  For a Jonas gathering, you might say it was uneventful.”

“The initial call from the police came to [Colleen's, about your mother's wreck].  Colleen was not there.  I asked about you, the police said there was no baby.  I had seen you with her prior to her drinking.  Sandy was not above leaving you in the car when she would drink.  So the police began the search.  By the time [we] arrived at the wreck, they had found the dog, I think he was under the jeep.  It was dark, I remember the field, the tumbleweeds.  The shadows cast.  The jeep upside down.  Sandy was at the ER.  The baby carrier that she used had been found, but no Paul. I remember hearing someone say, if you were out there, you were dead.  The smell of the blackberry brandy all over the carrier, the inside of the jeep. (I am crying right now.  This is hurting my stomach a little.) Okay…  I remember [your Uncle Doug] yelling, “I’m going to kill her.”  Typical of the family, he rambled about every single thing she had done wrong in the past.  Making himself madder and madder. I was freezing, terrified, my stomach hurt so bad.  One of the deputies radioed and we were told that Colleen was at home and that you were with her.  [Doug] was so angry by the time we got to you.  He fought with his mom about Sandy.  All I could do was hold you and cry.  Grandma was concerned about Sandy and Doug did not want her to go to the hospital.  Colleen had been spared the emotion that Doug and I had just gone thru.  I think Colleen had run into Sandy and had taken you so she would not leave you in the car while she drank.  Probably because it was cold.  I am curious about Doug’s memory of this.  Your mom would probably not remember, she was drunk.  I don’t remember anyone but the police and Doug and I looking for you.  I believe we looked for a little over an hour before the call.  Thing is, you were never missing.  No one else really lived the terror, so this would not be a story connected with the rollover.  There would/should be in the police report, we did search for you.”

What Temple Work Means to Me by Rosa (Nelson) Jonas Andersen

(I have maintained punctuation and spelling)

I was asked to talk a few minutes on what temple work means to me.  This I shall do to the best of my ability.  First I shall talk about the book called ADDED UPON.  No doubt most of you have read this book.  If you haven’t it would be well worth your time to do so.  We all know we existed spiritually before we came to this earth.  Two people, a man and a women, were chosen to come to this earth to fulfill a mission here and take up a body.

They came, the woman was born in Denmark.  The man was born on a farm in America.  The woman, named Ensign emegrated to America.  When she got here she got work on a farm doing house work.  One afternoon while working, a man came to the door and asked if he might have something to eat.  While he was eatin they began to chat, she found out that his name was Rupert and that he was looking for work, that he prefered doing farm work.  Later when the farmer came into the house Ensign told him about Rupert.  Rupert was immediately hired as the farmer needed help badly.  The young couple became friendly, fell in love and after a summer of courtship they were married in the temple.  Rupert had some land of his own, left to him by his father.  They made a home on this land and raised a nice family.  During the winter Rupert did work in the mines in order to get extra money.  They lived happily together for some time.  Finally one winter day Rupert was killed in the mines leaving Ensign alone on this earth to finish raising her family.  The children grew up one by one.  They married leaving Ensign alone, after a few years called home.

Rupert was there to met Ensign, they knew each other, they could remember before they came down to earth, how at that time they wondered if they would be to gether on this earth.  They had been, they smiled at each other and were content.

This story causes me to think of my parents life, being like unto it.  My mothers parents emigrated from Sweeden.  Mother was one of the first baby girls born in Logan Utah.  When she was nine years of age her mother died.  Later grandfather remarried, marrying a woman with a large family.  After a time mother was forced to earn her own living wherever she could get work.

She found employment in Pocatello Idaho.  There she worked at a boarding house waiting on tables.  Here she met Joseph S Jonas, like Rupert and Ensign one summer of courtship and they were married.  Father being a Rail Road man they moved from one place to another.  They too raised a family of seven children, four girls and three boys.  Along about the spring of 1910 we were living at Thorp Kittitas Co. Washington.

One night after a terrible storm a flood came causing much damage.  Trapping many people in their homes.  Being R. R. man father was called upon to help rescue these people, and through the wet and exposure he suffered in helping these people he became very sick and was in the hospital for six months, with rhumitisum and pneumonia.  He was so sick he had to be turned on sheets.  He was a staunch catholic and did not believe in mormonism.

While father was in the hospital mother took us little ones and went to visit her brother August Nelson who lived in Salt Lake City.  Through the worey for father and we little ones mother became very nervous, her heart became affected and she became very ill.  One night she passed away from a heart attack, if it had been now days I do believe she could of been helped, by the wonderful medicines we now have to work with.  But we children didn’t know what to do.  We were left alone in the care of her older brother with no mother, and father so desperately sick.

We feared father was too sick to receive bad news and were afraid a shock like this would prove fatal to him.  So we told him nothing about mothers death.  After the funeral I went to visit my father at the hospital who was still in Washington.  Father a catholic and mother a L. D. S.

At heart like Rupert and Ensign they were meant for each other, for mother’s spirit did not loose any time singling her mate out.  For when I entered the room father said “well she is gone isn’t she?”  I said what do you mean?”  Father said “your mother she came to my bed side at 15 min. to ten on the night of Dec. 23, I know all about it.  This is proof to me that they were meant for each other.  So I am having my mother sealed to my father for all time and eternity, as my father since that time has pass away to be with my mother.  I know they met in the hereafter recognised each other, and will be happy when I get their temple work done.

It was while we children were staying at mothers br4others home in Salt Lake City that we were babtized into the mormong church.  The Lord works in a natural way, he braught us back to where mother left off as a girl.  There most of us lived untill we were fully grown, married in the temple and went on missions.  But father would not accept.

My baby brother Joseph when he grew older went back to his father and tried to convert him to the mormon religion, but to no avail.

Years went by and father became ill again.  I sent for him to come to my home.  He lay desperatly ill for days.  The night before hr died he was so very ill, he called me to come saying “Rose offer a word of prayer for me” I knew then the hard shell about father had soffened, as even that much to his mormon daughter was a great deal for dad.  I prayed for him, but he passed away the next night.

I am thankful to my heavenly father there is a plan whereby we children who were left, were able to have these two people united in eternal marriage with their children sealed to them.  I feel with in my self they are happy and satisfied.  May I ever be worthey of entering into their presence when it is my turn to answer Gods call, is my prayer in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Mom’s letter to Grandpa

Here is a letter we have my mother wrote to her father.  It is very tender and sweet.  In fact, it is heartbreaking.  This shows the soft side of Mom so many do not get to see anymore.  Honestly, this is the Mom I miss.

June 14, 1984

Dear Dad,

Remember when I was 3 yrs old and got my finger cut off.  I can still picture how scared and afraid you were.  I think it hurt you worse than it did me.  Then to hear all the guilt in your voice when you said “How many times have I told you to stay away from the lawn mower”?  How you kept saying “I should have shut it off.”  I know when I lost it again 5 yrs later you were having flashbacks.  But it wasn’t your fault I just wanted to see the blade go around.  I guess I just got started in life on the wrong foot.

Do you remember the pictures that mom took of me cutting your toe nails.  I used to cut your toe nails and calluses off all the time.  You never got mad at me when I’d get too deep.  I was still cutting them even after we moved up to Idaho.

I used to love it when you and I went hunting and fishing.  I still have to grin when I think of the time when that fish slapped my face.  Or when we were up Ox Killer and you had got your deer.  I was watching you gut it.  I picked up this thing and was looking at it.  When I asked what it was and you told me they were its BBD’s.  I got so embarrassed.  You grinned and laughed.  You know I don’t ever remember you laughing out loud.  You always laughed on the inside.  I wish I knew why you did this.

I loved it when Uncle Spence used to call me Little Nor.  It made me feel so proud.  I loved you so much and looked up to you as my idol.  You were the perfect Dad and I wanted to be just like you.  You know I’m more like you than you ever knew.  All the times when you wouldn’t fix my car but made me fix it myself with you looking over my shoulder made sure I did it right.  I thank you for it.

It seemed every time I got hurt you would chew me out.  When I was in that wreck and got my face ripped up you told me I should have been home where I belonged.  When I got my hand hurt there wasn’t much you said but I knew you blamed yourself.  I knew you better than you think or thought.  Your face told the story.  I know why you never would come and see me in the hospital too.  It hurt you so much to see me in pain.  You just couldn’t handle it.  Mom told me that was one weakness you had.  That’s OK, I understand or understood.  I still loved you anyway.

I’m sorry when I moved back to Utah that I didn’t keep in touch with you as much as I should of.  I wished someone would have told me that you and mom separated a little sooner.  It used to kill me when I would come up and talk to you at work.  You totally blew me away the 1st time.  I had never seen you cry before.  We cried on each other’s shoulders.  I would always feel so sad because you always felt so sad.  You know Dad if I would of come up that weekend and seen you maybe you would still be alive today.  I’ve often wondered about that.

When you were killed I wouldn’t and couldn’t believe it until I seen for myself.  Once I walked into Payne’s I knew but I prayed.  I stood over you for hours staring, touching, holding and feeling you.  I wanted to open your eyes.  When I was holding your hand I wanted you to squeeze mine.  When I kissed you I wanted for you to kiss me back.  But you never did.  After a long period of time I started to hallucinate.  I seen you move.  But each time I seen you move I would reach down and touch your hand and it was cold and hard.  I knew that I was just seeing things.  Only in my mind you were moving.  I still didn’t want to believe you were dead.  At the viewing in Webb’s I knew you were trying to talk to me because your mouth had started opening.  I waited and waited hoping you would say something.  But you never did.  At your funeral I gave up, lost hope.  I knew you wasn’t going to get up that’s why I couldn’t stand by your coffin with the family.  I couldn’t except you as being dead.  I still can’t but I know you are.  I was scared when Mom, Doug and Jackie were saying Good-Bye for the last time.  They were in such a big hurry to close the coffin that I didn’t get a chance to get over and say Good-Bye.  But then I think to, that maybe I didn’t want to say Good-Bye either.  It haunts me now because I feel so bad that I didn’t.  Sometimes I wish I had of so that you would let me go.  I will always love you Dad.  I will never ever forget you.

Dad when I met Milo he reminded me of you in so many ways.  Jackie and Mom think so too.  So don’t ever think that you aren’t on my mind.  I named my little boy after you and his dad.  Doesn’t that tell you something.  I’d give anything if you could be here to play with Paul and Sissy.  I know they would love you so very much.  I know you would be proud of them too.  I know you’d like Milo, too.  The two of you would of got along fine.  I sure wish you could of met him.  Milo would have loved you.

Well Dad, I guess I’ve told you everything I had to tell you.  Everything I can think of right now anyway.  I just want to tell you again that I love you and always will.  I won’t ever forget you.  I just wish you were still alive.

Love Always, Sandy