May Letter

Here is the letter from May.  It is actually quite a bit better in tone and a bit easier to digest.  I am putting together a response to it at present.Thanks for the card.  Thanks for sending Ione’s obit.  I sent Sal a card and she responded back.  Her thank you card brought tears to my eyes and a lot of flashbacks and old memories.

How come you lost your job?  You ever try looking out of the states for Amanda’s supplies like in Canada?  Any place is probably cheaper than the states.

I called my atty yesterday and I will be another month here.  It is always the hurry up and wait BS.  You are told something then it does not happen.  But I do know I will go some time.  I tis not a sooner or later deal any more.  It is long past later at over 5 years.

Your date on my Grandpa Jonas (Joseph) birth is off by a couple of decades.  He was close to 60 when he was killed per Colleen.  Check it out.  I got a letter from Sis today.  She got an apt in Burley somewhere.  She did not say too much.  I also wrote Milo a small note asking what was up.  Last letter I got from Sis was postmarked April 9th.  She probably got my letter today.  I mailed the one to Milo last night so it got picked up this morning.

Now about Franz.  I want you to check the 2 websites and see if my story is still there of if it is gone.  I told Franz to pull everything.  I want to know if it is still there, if so I will write to find out why.  I am a little surprised at your Paul that you would ever think I would ask for money from people I never know existed.  I asked you once.  I ask Sis cause she had control over mine.  I do not mooch off of anyone one.  If I do not have the currency I go without.  You really do not know me at all do you?  Sad.

Why for do you want to know about my accidents?  You want to know how my innocence was STOLEN too?

By the way my 10 yr old writing mentality comes from not using contracted words.  Try not writing contractions some time then tell me your mentality is 9 yrs old, 1 yr under mind cause you could not figure it out.  Bonehead.

I am curious why you want to know all this stuff now?

Hope you get this in Glen Allen.  I am pushing the time but it should get there by the 6th unless it gets held up here.

Love you,
Mom

Thanks for the Jonas info.  I got looking at the dates of birth and seen Spence and Irwin is like you and Sis a day apart and Ellis and Evan got a day in between plus the 2 years.

One other thing I always thought Dad got married on the 26th!

If and when you ever communicate with Doug again see if he got my letter and if he did ask why he never answered it.

Is there any way you can get autopsy reports?  If so I would like 3: 1 Dad, 1 Colleen, 1 her.  I want to know the exact cause officially of the 3 deaths.

Mom’s March Letter

Paul,

I started this letter last week and got so mad I put it up.  I wrote some things that I did not feel comfortable about.  I am going to try to rewrite it and keep myself under control and not lose my cool again.  Anyway I do not know when I will be going to court.  I have already waited over 5 years on a 30 day time response, 60 times longer than the law says.  I do not remember what all I have wrote you so if I repeat I guess you will get told again.

Jerome County is in a bad way.  The corruption is oozing out everywhere.  The head PA left and has not been replaced yet.  The DPA stepped up and has his hands full.  The DPA had my case and my appt atty does not believe he is prepared or anxious to take on my case.  N the meantime I sit in this incubator and watch what nasty stuff is breeding.

I filed a complaint against Stoker and Paul in April 99.  It was never brought up by either.  It was not acknowledged at all, nowhere by anyone and should have been with a hearing.  There was a lot of shit that went on and should not have and a lot of did not and should have.  My ignorance of the law was used against me but then I caint make the attys do anything anyway.  So no matter what I was screwed from the very beginning even though it is my US Constitutional Right to have a fair and impartial trial.  Idaho things otherwise.  But I am not going to get into the corruption and injustices of a back woods greedy cult state.

I do not know nothing about the religious trash books.  I was told they had stuff against the cult that you have been brainwashed by.  The other stuff I got from the info Franz sent me.  It is too back you caint read the stuff he sents me.  Maybe someday.  It is about the abuse, neglect, ect that goes on in the DOC’s across the nation.  You would shit if you knew what went on.

Did you know my Dad was born in Lewiston?

Dead man walking, end of subject.

I called Sis and the last thing out of her mouth was that she was homeless and that was all I know.  I got a ½ page letter from her last week but she did not say much of anything.  How stupid are you Paul?  DO not you think there is a reason why she will not ask him for anything?  You do not know what he has done to her?  So sad, so pathetic that you are so brainwashed that you caint see past the end of your nose.  Why would she ever want to go near that house not alone ever live in it.  He fucked her up pretty bad when she was forced to live with him after what happened.  Then the dirty bastard kicked her out about a week before she turned 18.  She is not going to crawl and beg him for money.  She will not lower herself to his level.  She is independent.

As far as what Franz has tried to do from the other side of the world, at least he has tried to help which is more than you or anyone else has ever done.  Thanks I am glad to hear you think I have the mentality of a 10 year old.  My case has nothing to do with you except probably saved your life.

Where in the hell did you get the idea I was wanting financial help from any relatives.  I wanted to know my heritage and if there were any still alive in the old country.  You really ought to putt your head out and take a breath of fresh air.  I really do not give a pinch of hammered horse shit about the Andra side of the family.  I, like my Dad am a black sheep when it comes to the Andra’s.  I am a Jonas.  You are a Jonas.  You were born a Jonas and carry the name.  I am sorry I ever gave you that bastards name, either one of you kids.  Did you know Sis came to me at one time and asked if she could change her name to the same as mine.  Heed your own advise and made sure you got your shit straight too.

How was your weekend of the 7th?  There went all of the money for books.  Did you get to see Sis?  If so how is she doing?  Tell me anything you know about her.  How she looks, healthy, so forth.  The 7th was a Sat not Thurs.

Thanks for the B card.  Tell your little woman I will not hold my breath waiting to hear from her.  To start off she does not know what to say to me.  I am sure my letter to her folks went over like a ton of bricks and I really do not care cause I am tired of people just doing and not knowing or caring that what they are doing hurts other people.  If she writes, fine.  I will answer.  If she does not then that is fine too.  She really does not need to just cause she is married to you.  I already know what people think.  Human nature is to run their mouths when they have no idea what they are talking about and to suck in everything they hear.

Time to go so you two take care.  Hope you guys have or had fun this month.  I will let you know what happens when I know.  Make you let me know where you are at.  I love you, Mom

Mother’s Finger

Well, in my attempt to record some family history stories, I find it is easier to type up.  Since this is a form of extra to the journal that I print off to supplement, it will find its way in from here.  This is a letter from my mother in relation to how she lost her finger.   Ironically, I am recording this on her 52 birthday, which is today.
This starts about half way through the letter….
The first of this story takes place the summer of 1957, a little over 48 years ago, but I remember like it happened yesterday.  I had turned 3 yrs old in March of that year.  It was a beautiful summer day and I was out back of our house playing in the sandpile in the shade of the tree next to it.  My dad was mowing the lawn and mom was out back also.  My dad pulled the lawn mower by the back door to the garage and went over to pick up a rock that was on the lawn.  I had watched my dad clean the lawn stuck on the bottom of the mower before and watched him sharpen the blade.  Us kids had been told several times to stay away from the lawn mower.  I watched my dad put the lawn mower by the back door and walk away.  I jumped up and ran over to the mower.  I wanted to see the blade go around.  I figured I could run over and look while my dad walked away and then hurry and run back to the sandpile.  I stuck my hands under the mower to lift it up to look under but something happened and it scared the hell out of me.  I do not know if I let out a squeal or not but I jumped up and ran around the side of the house and to the back door.  I could just barely open the back if I stood up on my tippy toes and really stretched.  After the 3rd try or so I finally got the door open.  The door handle kept sliding out of my hand cause it was slick from red stuff and it was running down the white wooden screen door and then puddling at the bottom.  Once I got in I ran through the house to the bathroom.  I figured if I washed the red stuff away no one would know.  I had done something I was not supposed to do and if I could make it go away I would not get a beaten.  I was not big enough to reach the sink unless I stood on the toilet.  I was trying to wash the red stuff but I had to pee and was dancing on the toilet.  I dribbled in my pants.  I thought I better go pee cause I would get in trouble if I peed in my pants.  So I went and peed and got back on the toilet and finished washing away the red and cleaned up the bathroom.  I could not leave the bathroom a mess or I would get chewed out for that too.  Once everything was OK and in place and cleaned up I opened the bathroom door and went out.  My mom was in the kitchen sitting on the stool.  She wanted me to come to her and I did not want to.  I was afraid I was going to get a beaten.  Mom said “come here and let me see.”  I told her no that everything was ok.  Once again she said “come here and let me see.”  I had my left hand cupped over my right hand.  I went over to her and when I took my left hand away everything was still ok.  She asked me to open my right hand and when I did the tip of my ring finger fell over to the side.  It was just hanging by a piece of skin.  I was then taken over to Dr. Noble’s office.  I do not remember what he did.  I went back to him sometime later and he took the bandage off and the tip that had been sewn on was hard and dark.  I went to the Logan hospital and they fixed it up.  I do not remember what went on there, I just remember going there.  My mistake was washing it.  I washed the weep away.  There was a part of the root of the nail left about the diameter of my pencil led.  It was like a claw to me.  Everything snagged on it.  To this day I caint stand snaggy material.
The summer of 1962 between 1st and 2nd grades I was going to have the claw taken out and have the fatty tissue taken off.  Mom took me over to Dr. Gibbons office in Lewiston.  He did right there in in his office.  He put an elastic around my finger just above my middle knuckle so it would not bleed while he operated on it.  I watched him cut 2 bowed lines around the claw and cut the claw out.  Then he got all the fatty tissue scraped out and sewed my finger up.  He put a gauze pad on the top of my finger and cut the elastic that was around my finger.  From where I was at my hand was eye level and I could see that some of the elastic was still on my finger.  I told the doc and mom that the elastic was still there.  I did not want it in my bandage.  The doc and mom both told me no the elastic fell out cause there was pieces on the examining table.  But who listens to an eight yr old.
Days after the operation I was in the garage and I bumped the rake and when I went to catch it it hit my finger.  It hurt so bad I wanted to cry.  But I never cried.  I tried never to cry or let anyone see me anyway.  I learned at an early age not to cry.  I went in the house and told mom what had happened and she just figured it was supposed to be that way and she would not check it for me.  We had gone up High Creek on the weekend fishing.  I got my bandage wet and dirty and mom decided she better change it.  I was going to the docs next week.  When she took the bandage off my finger was black.  I got taken over to Dr. Gibbons office and he pulled pieces of the elastic out of my finger and it started oozing real thick black-red blood.  The dock did what he had to do and bandaged it back up.  When it healed they would go in and amputate the dead stuff.
Me being a hellion of course I terrorized the neighborhood kids.  I would take the bandage off and chase the kids around while they squealed and hollered.  It never bothered me cause it was my finger.  No one else had a finger cut off.  I was different.  It was fixed up as it is now more or less.  I have not had that 1/2 finger almost all my life.
This story reminds me of a dog we had.  He was a Brittany Spaniel named Freckles.  Dad wanted to dock his tail.  The vet Dr. Erekson put a fat green rubber band.  I knew what was going to happen being had experiences this myself.  The vet just said it would off.  But it did not.  It got all infected with green infection.  We took Freckles to the vet.  Freckles kept trying to bite the vet.  I knew how bad it hurt.  Dad held Freckles while the vet grabbed the tail and snapped in into.  Freckles peed all over dad and the vet.  I felt so bad for Freckles cause I knew what he was going through.  That is one of the most cruel and painful things you could ever do to any animal and I can verify it.
So Paul, there is the story of how I lost my finger.  It is too bad you do not know all the tears shed in writing it.  But you see there is something else in the story too.  No one has ever believed me so you see after 1/2 century I do not care any more right now what anyone believes.  I am not in too good a mood now after writing it.  My eyes are still leaking.
As a mother, I tried to raise your kids the best I could by myself.  You try to teach them everything you think they are going to need to be able to get by in life.  You also know that they are going to have to learn by experience.  You hope everything goes ok and is not too rough for them.  You love them with all your heart and hope they love you in return.  That does not always happen though.  Barriers are thrown up and it is your choice on what you do with those barriers.  You can let them stop you or you can figure out how to get by them.
All my life I have tried to please people so they would leave me alone.  People always want to change you and after time you do slowly change.  But you usually change for defense purposes to survive.  You get to the point where every day is survival.  You do what you have to do but only what is necessary.  The human species is a pathetic breed of animal.  You may not understand now or tomorrow but some day I hope you do.  Your head is not on straight right now.  All I can do is keep my fingers crossed.
You know where your mother is at and if you want her back then help her.  There is so much you do not know.  But remember one thing she loves you with all her heart or what she has left of her heart.  Stop tearing her guts out.  Stop the sarcasm, caller her a liar, cutting her down.  She caint take much more.  For once show her some decency and love.
….There is another paragraph, but it is not as revealing or telling as are the above.  I am glad she took the time to write of these things.  I wanted the story of her losing her finger.  It is fascinating how trauma brands memories into our minds.  There are a few details that do not add up with the story itself, but I am glad she took the time.