Chapter notes

I wanted to add a few little notes to the closing chapter.  Since it is too late to enter the thoughts in the chapter, I can surely append them, can’t I?  Well, with permission or not, I am.
The last response on the blog was one a bit sober for me.  After all, I tend to take hard critical words that they hint at a grain of truth, if not more.  So, I attempt the thorough examination of whether or not that bit of truth was of size or consequence.
But first, I must recognize how prized some of your e-mails and comments have been to me.  Thank you for your support.  I love good people like you!
I must report that as I went back out into the field that day, to finish up my week, I felt that a whole burden had lifted.  Perhaps that is my whole qualm with the sales industry.  The pressure exerted on its sales people.
It must be reported that I very much enjoyed working with Marc Summers.  While he is cocky, certainly boastful, I found that he had an air about himself that I enjoyed.  Saying that, in his position he is dealing with increasing pressure from above.
That is what used to make Combined beautiful.  The people loved working there because it was fun and the job was great.  Combined Insurance Company of America has turned into an ugly monster.  Having gone the way of all Babylon, they now have retreated to force and pressure.  My Grandmother loved Mr. Clement Stone and the company because they had a product to sell, and according to your wishes and desires, you went and did what you wanted.  You were rewarded accordingly.  Now they have become another vicious machine, where it is no longer the individual that counts, but the program and results.
Mr. Neil Pehrson the Regional was of hope to me.  A relic of another age.  I sure like him, as I do Marc.  Both remind me of what the company used to be like.  But in company’s changes, they are exerting force down the line.  The change has increased even in the months since I have been present.  That is where I bucked.  I don’t allow for that force in my life, especially when it is voluntary.  The same reason I have some issues with the changes government is making, but that is another subject.
I even feel a bit of sadness tonight.  My heart aches for the loss.  Marc has taken this pretty hard.  He was very upset, but now I can sense a longing.  I admit, I became quite attached to the company as well.
At least once a week, I was reminded of a moment in my childhood in doing the travels with my Grandmother.  I miss her more than my heart could ever tell.  Even now I want to weep from the separation that seems to be present.  I think Combined has brought much of the past to life again for me.  I literally have relived the summers when I was growing up.  I think often of President Packer’s talk “In the light of thy childhood” and the pure chords it still resonates with me.  The classic line of Field of Dreams, heaven is where dreams come true….  Anyhow, I think I shall stop there, I don’t feel these are sentiments I should be sharing here.
Next, I had the opportunity of sharing the gospel with Mr. Marc.  He had questions.  He was curious.  I could not get him to keep his commitments, so I wonder his intentions, but I hope they were pure.  I sure enjoyed that experience.  It gave me a great measure of hope and that too provided a certain reliving of the mission.  The questions, the answers, the promptings of the Spirit.  Oh how much I loved those days.  It broke my heart for me to go into checkout today and he gave me back all the various things I had given him.  He gave me back the Book of Mormon, the Bible, the Restoration Video, and other various things.  That was hard for me.  Then again, I suppose a missionary is not totally surprised when this happens the rest of their life.
This job provided a reattachment to previous times in my life.  I don’t wish you to think I am surreal and living in the past.  I very much look forward to the future.  My past is past, but the foundation of my life must not be forgotten.  How can I hope a superstructure if I neglect the foundation.  Surely, these things must not be.
Somehow, despite the release of pressure, I feel a sad detachment.  It is like I am not only leaving my job, but my past.  I know this is not true.  There were attachments beyond just it being a ‘job’ for me.
I vow that if I ever come to lead an organization of any type, that pressure will not be the means.  People must find their own motivation.  They must be on board with the community, or business.  That motivation must come from within, from whatever source.  When it comes from without, it is so terrible and undermining.  Love unfeigned, hope, and pure knowledge are the keys to successful leadership.  Any organization would do well to take a page from the gospel of Christ.
Well, having now discarded the wagon I had for the moving of me and my family to Zion, I now have to find another means of moving through the next phase of travel.  After all, that wagon was too much of a struggle to drive.  We are now on foot, which is a terrible way to travel.  One can make out alright, but it sure makes it hard to help others.  The saddening part is those with autos don’t offer help.  Where will the means come?  Church?  I think family is too far to aid.  We will see what God will do to reveal his arm.  Until then, we wade on.
Shall we not go on in so great a cause?  Go forward and not backward.  Courage, brethren; and on, on to the victory!  Let your hearts rejoice, and be exceedingly glad.

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